Day 28th...

"be patient. everything happens for a reason."

i look out of my window to the sight of the high walls and barbed fences. i look further ahead, i see a playground - children running about, on swings soaking in the sunshine from a nice spring day. without a care in the world. what a marked contrast from the souls living at this place - sad faces, frowns, all bogged down wif the weight of things. happiness around here is really just a myth. that is for many, at least!

konjit is once again blasting her music from 3 doors away. i time and time again wonder if it would be better to be her - to be so free, blissfully unaware of her surroundings and happily oblivious to life, reality and the pains of it. yes, she is one of the few exceptions to that myth.

humans.... sigh....

i want to say i miss being young again, like one of them kids outside but then on second thoughts, that would mean i'd have to go thru the whole process of life and the inevitable pains of growing up - i changed my mind.

i dreamt of being home and waking up on my own bed for the umpteenth time last night. if only....

i wonder, how do you correct a wholly dysfunctional being? they say it takes 21 days to give up a habit? complete bollocks! i feel more trapped than ever. if i am a boat, there are a dozen of oars all pushing and pulling in different directions. if only they would give it a rest.

if only it was s.2. i would be out already by today. i wonder, how much longer would it take? no one can offer promises around here. i feel wasted.

"i never meant to let you down. forgive me if i slipped away."

dear God, please, i am getting so so desperate.