tell me why am i having two minds about returning to London at the eleventh moment when it was just last month that i dreamt so much about being back there; soaking up life along the riverside, loitering at the borough market, missing the west end shows, having my duck rice (with extra meat!!) and longing for the smell of 71, brewers court.
when i first came home, and even long after that, i convinced myself that i would hate it here in m'sia. the idea of settling down here was just unacceptable. i mean, having my freedom heavily curtailed, the weather, the endless naggings etc etc... so, what is it that has changed in this short (?) time? i don't know. everything else has been the same in the time i've been back - the adoration from my family, friends, a car, maids so that i never have to lift a finger even at house chores, and a lavish home-cooked meal to greet me, every single day when i return home from work. right now, i can't imagine hating life here at m'sia. who am i to kid? i've EVERYTHING, literally the world back here.
perhaps god is making me see a point - that whatever feelings or emotions i have, it is just temporary. don't rush to make decisions according to what you feel at that point in time because what is today might not be the same tomorrow. maybe it is a lesson to be learnt. to think and make wiser decisions in the future. and although i might be feeling sucky and like i've the world on my shoulders, tomorrow would be different. very very different.
my only consolation? that although i'll be gone tomorrow, i've a return ticket due soon. i will be coming home - this is home, where my heart truly belongs.
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